Twisting with the oxygen I breathed her giggle nourished my cells. It brought life to my body. Only to become the cancerous growth in my heart, eating away at what once was whole. Eventually, I had to purge the idea of her laughter, the only way of saving myself.
Yet fighting a cancerous battle isn’t brief. Nor is it for the weak. The fight to sever such a strong connection with another can consume both thought and life. It can eclipse the desire for enjoyment, and instead sear blindness into the mind’s eye.
But to move on. To move forward, it’s a battle that must be fought. It must be won. Not just for oneself, but for future companions as well.
Love. Not For the Faint of Heart
A loving heart is a vulnerable heart. It’s the only way to give yourself over to them. You absorb what they have to offer. It nourishes you. Yet once open and exposed you can no longer control what enters or how it affects you.
What once filled you up and gave you life may slowly eat away at you. And it can happen so suddenly it’s not always possible to know what is happening. Cancerous love doesn’t occur overnight. It takes months, if not years, of slowly polluting your life.
It’s why their pollution into your being isn’t always noticed until well after your relationship has died. Until your heart begins to heal.
Like waking one morning and discovering a bruise without explanation. You won’t know how you’ve been affected, how your heart has been damaged until scars start to form. You’ll realize just how often their words put you down. How they took you for granted. How your desires always took a backseat to their own.
When your heart is connected to another it’s not always possible to see the damage. After all, you draw nourishment from their love as much as your own. Even toxic nourishment can sustain for a time.
It’s why love is not for the faint of heart.
Scars Will Take Time
The healing of a freshly separated heart will take time. It will heal itself if given proper care and allowed the time to heal.
There’s no timetable for how long wounded love takes to recover. Some failed love cuts deep, and the wound is wide. It may take months or it may take years, yet it will still heal.
Many times the loss of love isn’t a single wound. It’s many. Some will heal faster than others. It’s why you’re able to return to a favorite restaurant the two of you once shared, while hearing a favorite song or smelling a particular cologne may drop you to your knees as eyes drip and nose runs.
But time does heal all wounds.
It’s in this idea many struggle with. It’s easier to jump into another relationship before the heart has healed. To whitewash over the emotions of loss and the pain of a broken heart. Yet whitewashes will fade, and unhealed hearts will be exposed. And to stop the pain, another relationship whitewashing is needed.
It’s why there are some who must jump from one relationship to another. To outrun the pain. To outrun the need to heal. It’s why true love always seems out of reach. Why potentially promising relationships fail. Why they cry and blame the universe for being unfair, all before swinging to the next relationship.
Pain can be avoided, but when the scabs of unhealed hearts are continually ripped free, it may lead to deeper scars, unable to fully heal. When dating is like the splashes of a skipping stone, it’s not always possible to understand and appreciate the previous connection, because the next connection, the next splash, has already happened.
Time will always heal all wounds. As long as time is given the opportunity to heal all wounds.
New Year And New Opportunities
With a new year comes a new calendar. While in reality we’re all just on a straight line and there is no new “beginning,” it’s refreshing to consider time as circular simply for the purpose of rebirth. For renewal.
Love lost has affected every single one of us. Its left varying scars and wounds. Some of them have long since scarred over. Others are fresh and open. And yet, with the flipping over of a new calendar, it offers up new opportunity. A new chance to heal. To move on. To learn. Even if it means letting go, cutting away what plagues and affects you. While at one point in time that other heart might have nourished you, if it is causing you pain, if it is eating away at you, the start of a new year is a window into new beginnings. And there’s never a better opportunity to focus on a new, healthier you, than this time of year.
Time can heal everything.
And there’s never a better time to let that be true than New Year.