Passport Bros and the Search for Love
To some it's a four letter word. To other's, it represents new opportunity.
She smiled in a way I had not seen in a long time.
A smile, shyly twisting up at the edge of her slender lips with a hint of something else.
A hint of desire.
She smiled and did not speak, because if she did she might say something delightfully inappropriate. At least, for the candlelit dinner we shared by the water. The flickering light caught in her eyes like the reflection of stars forever trapped in the neighboring sea.
The flame danced amongst a gentle nighttime breeze, threatening to jump from its wick and into my chest where heat already swelled. Judging by the way she softly bit at her lip and her unwavering eyes, the flame had caught hold of her chest as well.
Her slender arm, smooth and gold in the light, extended, as if in slow motion. I watched it move, frame by frame until her fingers came down upon mine. Good thing for small tables.
Our waiter hadn’t returned in some time. Maybe the restaurant had to catch the fish before making it. Someone could have dropped it and they were currently plucking dirt and hair from its underbelly before bringing it out. Or, perhaps she felt the energy between myself and my date and didn’t want to interfere. In Bali, few things are more important than energy.
Across the table, my date mouthed something I could not hear, despite the attention of all my senses focused on her. The smile returned as it tossed out its hook and caught me. I leaned in closer to her as she reeled me in, my mouth inching closer to hers. The heat from the candle no match for what radiated between us. Her breath traced along my nose. My cheek. Goosebumps flushed down my neck in response. Her lips, my lips, our lips, were trembling as we moved in and–
–I stopped. Frozen. I couldn’t do it. Because then, it would make me a Passport Bro.
What’s Wrong With Seeking Out Love?
In recent weeks I’ve stumbled upon a strange side of TikTok.
Okay, yes, there are plenty of strange sides of TikTok. It’s kind of like closing your eyes as you walk and bumping into something. It’s going to happen.
This particular side of TikTok focused on the phrase “Passport Bros.” If you’re not familiar with the terminology, it basically refers to men who leave the country in order to find love. It’s an umbrella term and is often used in a derogatory way.
At least, in the videos I saw that’s how it was used. In the videos, individuals blasted these men for leaving. Saying they were castaways, afterthoughts, unwanted. Basically, they were the lepers of the dating world.
Truthfully, I didn’t understand the venom spat in their direction. Why would someone else care if someone decided to try and find love in another country? After all, if there is that “one special someone” for everyone, chances are, they don’t live the block over. Hell, chances are they don’t live the state over.
If someone wants to try and connect with a person from another country, I think we should applaud them for it. They are admitting they haven’t had luck in their current environment, so they have decided to take the necessary actions and do something about it. If a person moved across the globe for a better job, nobody would bat an eye. Why should it be any different when it comes to finding love?
I’d argue finding the right love is MORE important than finding the right job. I’ve gotten over bad jobs, contracts prematurely ending, and businesses ending positions. It’s a lot easier than getting over love that goes south.
Dating Has Become…Complicated
One thing I think most of us can agree on is dating, in its present form, has become complicated. People play games, they ghost, and they aren’t upfront with what they are looking for. With the plethora of dating applications, you would think finding someone to connect with would be vastly easier. In my experience, it’s the exact opposite.
Before dating applications took over the world, I found it far easier to connect with someone. Probably because the person I connected with wasn’t instantly searching for another option as soon as they returned home. It’s kind of like baking a lasagna but ordering pizza in the middle of it because you no longer feel like waiting.
Now, in my own experience as someone who has lived overseas for almost two years now, dating is different. At least, in the locations I have lived in, dating has been different. So much of that gunk that sticks in the dating gears back in the United States is gone. There are fewer games. People will say exactly what they want before even going out on a first date. Imagine, it’s like actually reading a board game’s instructions prior to beginning, whereas dating in the U.S is more or less winging it, and you’ll hopefully figure it out as you go along (the first time I played the game Risk I asked how to play, and the people I was with said, “don’t worry about it.” I didn’t do very well).
So I can’t fault someone at all for just getting so fed up with the current dating climate that they just set it aside and left for greener pastures. This is one of the few instances where I do believe things are greener on the other side.
If finding love and a real connection is what motivates someone, by all means, go to another corner of the world where their way of life, culture, or ideology is more in line with one’s own. I don’t think myself, or anyone else should spout off on what makes someone happy.
Some people want money. Others want prestige. And then there are those who just want to be loved for who they are.
Sure, there are some that just bounce around from one country to the next, searching for sex, wanting to check off some box on an imaginary list. If this is what they want to do I’m not here to judge. I know plenty of people of all sexes that do the same in the States, and few bash an eye (and even fewer spout off about them on their social platforms of choice).
The term ‘passport bros’ is likely going to stick. I’ll admit, it’s kind of catchy. But I don’t think it should be derogatory. It’s simply someone that knows what they want and is willing to go the distance to make it happen.
In the end, we all deserve to be happy, right?
If you want to learn more about possibly leaving the country yourself to find the love of your life, here’s a new book that just came out that covers exactly that called “Guide to Finding Love Overseas”.