The Dangers of Gender Reveal Parties
It might not be an innocent celebration. At least not for the child.
It’s an event perfectly crafted for modern social media.
As family and friends gather around the expecting couple, the parents to be cut into a slice of cake, they open an ornately decorated box, they shoot off streamers and pop balloons, all to picturesquely reveal the gender of their developing baby.
It’s a beautiful and wonderful and fun day for the parents.
But what about the developing baby?
In a time where there’s more understanding now about the difference between physical genitalia and the gender development of the brain than ever before, it’s amazing such an activity has become so popular.
It goes beyond the self-indulgent nature social media fosters. The impulsed desire for attention and the drug-like high a fanned-over post creates. Beyond all of that, it instantly establishes expectations for a human being whose brain has only begun to develop.
It’s dangerous to the one person such an event is designed for. And because of that, gender reveal parties should be no more.
The Creation of Gender Reveal Parties
The evolution of gender reveal parties out of baby showers makes more than a little sense. Guests want to know the sex of the baby, so instead of letting the ultrasound visuals slip with one word of the tongue, why not have some fun with it.
The first documented gender reveal party took place in 2008, although it didn’t experience widespread attention until 2011 when a YouTube video of a woman cutting a baby shower cake opened up to reveal a pink stripe down the middle.
Since then, gender reveals have become larger, grander, and, in the case of the 2020 El Dorado Wildfire, more devastating. However, even when gender reveals avoid starting catastrophic disasters, the seemingly simple gathering establishes expectations for a child that may, in its entirely, be incorrect.
Should gender reveal parties be renamed genitalia reveal parties, it would be one thing, but no ultrasound has the capability of revealing the gender within the child’s developing brain. And, in reality, it is what’s found within the cellular structure of the brain that’s far more important than any other fleshy bit of tissue in the body.
The Separation of Genitalia and Brain Is Nothing New
The “idea” of a third gender is nothing new. At least when the traditional European colonial way of thinking is removed. The assumption of gender and what takes place in the brain didn’t become a cultural constraint for several thousand years, and the notion of a third gender has not only played an important role in cultures around the globe but throughout history as well.
In many Native American traditions, those perceived as both male and female were viewed as two-spirited and granted the knowledge and wisdom of both sexes. Something similar occurs in India with individuals known as hijras. While predominantly Hindu, there are hijras of varying religions in India, and they are believed to have sacred powers due to their asexuality.
However, the widespread acceptance of a third gender was widely wiped out as Europeans pushed through the Americas, forcing either death or Christianity on the natives (and, in many cases, those who were considered third gender were put to death).
So while the “idea” of more than two genders has received more attention in recent years, it’s not a new idea. Instead, it's thousands upon thousands of years old. In many cases, the understanding and acceptance of a third gender pre-dates most modern religions.
But, The Science!?
A common argument against having the genitalia of one gender but the mindset of another is, “you can’t argue with biology.” “Look at the science.” “It’s not natural.” And so on.
However, those making the arguments of a separation between gender identity and physical anatomy likely do not know the science. Because science contradicts their notion of brain and anatomy being one-in-the-same.
It’s hard to fault many for initially thinking this way. Science classes for the majority of these individuals did not go under the difference between gender identity and anatomy because very little research had ever been done on the subject. Yet the ability to hide behind the lack of a high school biology class is a thin veil, especially with the information now easily accessible.
According to the University of Stanford’s Introduction To Gender, “Gender is not something we are born with and not something we have, but something we do - something we perform.” The Canadian Institutes of Health Research adds that while sex and gender are often used interchangeably, the two are very different. Likewise, in a publication put out by the University of Cape Town’s Gender Health and Justice Research Unit, “Gender is an identity that is learned, that changes over time.” The publications focus on the development of gender roles as a human ages. While the age-old gender roles of men swallowing their emotions, loving guns, and being the sole breadwinner of a family while women must remain in the kitchen, clean, and be always emotionally available have shifted in recent decades, the publications point to gender as something that is taught, discovered, and learned, rather than something that is born with.
And yet the idea of evolving gender roles will not qualm the arguments of those individuals who are against someone with the physical traits of one gender, claiming to be the opposite
During the development of a fetus, when physical anatomy develops there is a release of various hormones and chemicals within the expectant mother. When a penis develops there is a release of testosterone that affects the brain, and likewise estrogen during the development of a vagina. And while these do impact the development of the brain, there are various other elements at play during the development of the brain. Hormonal releases differ from one person to the next. There’s a reason why not all men have the same level of rigid testosterone and competitiveness built into them. It’s why not all women love dolls and playing house and wearing dresses. It’s why some men have more flamboyant and traditionally feminine traits and while some women are dubbed as tomboys, love competition, and have no problem getting into fistfights.
The creation of a new life within a woman’s womb isn’t an exact recipe. There’s no one part testosterone, three parts estrogen going on in the kitchen. It’s different for everyone, which naturally means even though someone is born with one kind of anatomy, they may have the brain composite of another gender. It’s why someone can be born with a vagina, and yet deep within their very being, identify as a man, because their brain is wired like that of a man.
As anyone who has been in a lengthy relationship with someone of another sex knows, the male and female brains function differently. According to a study published by the National Institutes of Health (2020), the average female brain has a larger volume of the prefrontal cortex, temporal cortex, lateral parietal cortex, insula, and several other areas of the brain, while the average male brain had larger volume in the occipital and ventral temporal regions of the brain. Each of these areas of the brain process various types of information. For example, the prefrontal cortex, which is larger in women, allows for improved functions in working memory organization. While the ventral temporal region, which is larger in men, improves high-level visual processing.
What does any of this have to do with the development of children and someone who might be born with one kind of anatomy but identify as another? According to the Cleveland Clinic (2019), the brain and body often form differently. In fact, when someone identifies as a woman but was born with a penis, they frequently have the structure and characteristics of a female brain. Additionally, in an article published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine (2009), cis heterosexual females, cis heterosexual males, and male-to-female (MTF) transsexuals were shown an erotic film while undergoing an MRI. The transsexual response was the same of the heterosexual cis females.
The same research out of the Cleveland Clinic showed that the brain makeup and functionality of many transgender individuals had makeups of both male and female functionality, which demonstrates how gender exists on a spectrum. Instead of it being black and white it’s all shades of gray.
The True Danger of Gender Reveal Parties
Despite the continued further understanding of sexuality, gender, and the difference between anatomy and brain, gender reveal parties continue to grow in popularity.
And yet it creates potentially damaging and devastating expectations for a child not even born yet. Truth be told, these kinds of parties would be better off called “Anatomy Reveal Parties,” Mimicking bachelor and bachelorette parties with penis gummy candy and inflatable genitalia balloons. That would at least be more accurate.
Because nobody knows their child before their baby is even born. There’s no way of knowing what they are thinking or how their brain will continue to develop. Gender reveal makes about as much sense as congratulating the fetus for graduating from law school or completing their residency.
Maybe that developing child would rather be a painter or a poet or a writer or a plumber?
It’s impossible to know. Just like it’s impossible to know the true gender of the child. Kids already have so much on their plates these days. Attempting to live up to expectations and standards their brain simply doesn’t align with shouldn’t be one of their expectations.
So if you’re having a baby, perhaps consider a good old fashion baby shower. You might miss out on the blue smoke or the pink confetti, but your child may just thank you for it later.