I’m so happy you’re here today!
It’s been a little while since writing you in this informal way, so I hope you’ve been good. I have a nice sizable chunk of story today, so hopefully you can kick back and enjoy (and if you haven’t started ‘The Forbidden Book Club’ romance story, make sure to start at the beginning with the links below).
As a little thing I’m toying around with, would there be any interest in a small paperback version of this story? I’d be able to inscribe it and send it right to you. Let me know in the comments of this story so I can gauge if there’s any interest in that (or you’re always welcome to reach out and email me).
I hope you’ve been enjoying your summer (or winter if you’re one of my friends from Australia or South America ). If you are one of my Australian friends I have a new story coming your way in Mamamia, although of course I’ll make sure to offer up a link here when it’s live!
And if you want something totally different, here’s a little beer story I wrote for the folks over at Hop Culture. Just in case you’re looking for any under-the-radar brewery suggestions.
But for now, have a fantastic weekend and enjoy this slice of story from The Forbidden Book Club!
Yours truly,
Greyson
The Forbidden Book Club
Chapter 3, Part II
…continued…
The road out of the city began as a four-lane highway, yet slowly sanded unnecessary pavement down to one-lane each way. Night had fully taken hold of the sky yet appeared like nothing but a black haze as street lamps distorted any clear view of the universe above. At least until Charles' truck round a hill and burst from tree-lined avenue to a slender strip of road surrounded on each side by water. There were no street lamps, and the fog of light pollution drifted behind the truck as a cloudless night expanded all around them.
Erika watched out her passenger window. The sky and water came together like lovers at the edge of the world. The water reflected stars and half-moon of the heavens above in brilliant silver and blue. Nothing else seemed to exist around Charles and Erika in the truck. She didn't mind the thought at all.
Charles slowed the truck to a stop before performing a U-turn. On the other side of the road, a slender dirt alcove sat under the black silhouette of palm trees. Erika looked to Charles who smiled a half smile. He didn't need to look to her to know her eyes were on him. His dimple flashed. It belonged up in the stars with the rest of the celestial beings.
Erika went momentarily blind when Charles opened his car door and the interior lights flashed on. She blinked away the green splotch in the middle of her vision as she exited her own side. The door from the old truck raddled as she closed it. They met in front of the truck where he offered her his hand. With the light offered by the moon and stars she didn't need it, yet she took it nonetheless. The warmth from his palm radiated up through her arm. She could feel it in her chest. Her heartbeat increased in response. She wanted to pull him close to her. To wrap her arms around him. The craving in both her mind and between her thighs consumed her other senses. Erika focused her attention on her breathing, hoping the night air would put out the desire causing her to fluster.
A breeze caught Erika's hair, scattering it in every direction. She pulled a hair tie she kept in her pocket and quickly put her hair in a loose bun.
Charles led her over to a wooden bench that seemed to have fallen out of an airplane given its random location. Yet when she sat down she completely understood its purpose. They sat as if having a front row seat to the expansion of the universe. She'd never seen the moon so clearly before. The craters and the small splotches of glowing gray. Nor had she ever seen so many stars. And the more her eyes adjusted to the lack of light the more stars she took in. Erika tried to think of a word to describe it.
Perfect.
"I kind of wished I paid attention when learning about the constellations in school," she whispered, as if in a concert hall and the slightest noise would interrupt a beautiful concerto.
"Thankfully, I have that covered," Charles whispered in return. He pulled out his phone. The screen momentarily became the brightest object for miles, before it went dark. He slid next to Erika. His leg pressed against hers. She closed her eyes and breathed it in. Her heart pounded. When he put his arm around her back her thundering heart almost leaped through her chest. Taking in oxygen through her nose was no longer enough. She opened her mouth, pulling in the night's air. Her shoulders heaved. The hair on his arm tickled the base of her neck, each follicle caressing her skin, plunging her body into a state of fuzzy numbness. At that moment, she'd never wanted anything in her life more than she wanted him. She needed him.
"Hey." His hot breath warmed her ear. She gasped quietly but knew he heard it. The heat building between her legs surged, consuming her emotions and her thoughts.
God just take me right here, right now.
Could there be a better place for a first time than under the stars, surrounded by the ocean?
She opened her eyes. Charles had his phone extended in front of them, a constellation map shifting with his subtle hand movements. Erika tried to focus on the screen held out in front of her. She tried to push down the thoughts bubbling over in her mind. She tried.
"The Big Dipper. That's the only one I could ever remember. Well, that and Orion's belt."
Even him talking about Big Dippers and belts is making me hot!
Erika silently laughed and cursed herself at the same time. Every inch of her body was crawling. Aching. Throbbing. Her nipples hardened and pulled the surrounding skin taught like clawing hands on sheets. A drop of moisture ran down her inner thighs. Her eyes went wide as she felt its movement, slowly curving down her leg like a tantalizing finger. There would be more where that came from.
"Is everything alright?" He asked.
"Ye....yes," she managed. She didn't realize how wide her mouth was or how short her breath had become until forced to talk. "Just a little chilly for some reason." She wasn't. But it was the only thing she could think of. Most of the blood had left her brain and was now coursing between her legs.
"Oh, I'm sorry. That's rude of me." His hand clasped down around her shoulder as he slid Erika into the nook between his powerful arm and muscular torso.
OH MY GOD!
Erika sunk her top teeth into her bottom lip. It wouldn't take much more to push her over the edge. She closed her eyes, trying to let the storm of desire die down. Its waves pounding inside of her, crashing against her deteriorating willpower. She could feel his warmth. His heartbeat. His breath on her head. She felt safe. Taken care of. Protected. She never wanted to leave.
Her eyes fluttered under the mental strain of keeping her teetering desire at bay. She felt moisture building between herself and the denim hugging her inner thighs. Her breasts ached as every inhale caused her throbbing nipples to rub against supportive cotton. Her head felt dizzy. Blood and oxygen departing her brain to support her lusting vagina left her mind in a fog. She opened her eyes to find Charles' cell phone no longer in front of her. In fact, it felt as if Charles had gone a bit cold. She looked up to him, his face just a few inches away. The blue-silver light accented his chiseled jaw while reflecting off his eyes. His look though seemed elsewhere.
"What about you?" She forced out through her fog.
He looked down to her. Their eyes just inches away.
"What about me?"
"Yeah. Are you alright?"
Charles sighed a deep sigh. The horizon pulling his eyes away from hers. "I just...do you ever wonder if where you're at in life is where you're actually supposed to be?"
"Yeah. I think everyone has at some point."
His eyes were back on her. Her eyes had never left him.
"Life has a way of not turning out how you wanted it."
"How did you want it?"
Charles shifted. Erika could feel his muscles contract and relax.
"Maybe that's not the best way to put it. I guess I thought I'd be happier."
"You're not happy?"
"Sometimes I am. Other times no, not at all. I'll feel alone. Or taken advantage of. Abandoned even."
Charles saying he felt abandoned hit her in the chest. She knew the feeling. Her dad had left at a young age. And she feared feeling it again. For years she told herself she avoided any real relationships because she grew bored. In reality, she broke off relationships prematurely because she was terrified of being left. She found it easier to run away from the feelings. Nobody could abandon her if she never let them come close enough. Erika placed her palm on his firm chest, over his heart.
"You should never feel that way. You deserve the world. You deserve to be happy."
Charles smiled, but it wasn't the same knee-buckling smile he usually gave. This one was laced in sadness. "Kind of you to say. Guess we don't always get what we deserve."
Their eyes were locked. Their breathing and beating hearts had become one.
"You could be happy."
"Unless I go back in time and change a few things I don't think that's likely going to ever happen. Just need to accept it."
Erika's eyes traced down his face to his lips. Its curve accented by the silver light of the moon. She lingered on his lips before returning to his gaze. Every fiber of her body was pushing her. Nudging her. Telling her what to do next. She ran her tongue over her lips.
"You don't need to go back."
"What should I do?"
Lost in his eyes under the silver moonlight, time no longer existed. It was just Erika. It was just Charles. She closed her eyes and moved in. Moved into his breath. His cologne. His essence. She pushed her lips toward him and...nothing.
What just happened?
***
Erika opened her eyes.
Charles had leaned back.
Oh my god. Oh my god. What did I just do?
Erika quickly sat up as her brain wrapped itself around the situation.
"I'm sorry, I thought-"
"-No, it's my fault, I-"
"-I shouldn't have-"
"-I thought-"
Neither could form a complete sentence and, eventually, the two fell silent. Eyes dropped to the ground. To the sky. Minds wandered and raced for answers.
"We should probably go," Charles said. He stood, sliding away from Erika before turning his attention to his truck.
Erika simply sat and nodded, giving herself a moment to gather her heart and her chest, which had crashed do the grown below. Eventually, she followed Charles back to the truck.
What the hell just happened?
The drive back was long and quiet. Neither Charles or Erika spoke. They had driven out with the radio off, now both would have loved something to break the silence, but neither had the courage to reach out and snap the radio on. To make the first move.
You were leading her on.
Charles hadn't meant to lead her on. At least that's what he tried to convince himself of. But deep down he knew the truth. He had taken Erika out to the spot he used to visit with Pamela. To feel the warmth and connection he once had with someone he cared about. He and Pamela would sit on the park bench and marvel at the stars when they first started to date. But as the years past their visits became less and less frequent. Even when they could find time and Pamela gave in to his requests, her mind remained elsewhere while her eyes remained on her phone. He sat, taking in the universe, yet her world seemed to be on the other end of the glowing screen. Then, when she took her new job it stopped altogether. Just one of the many casualties taken out and shot by her profession.
When Erika moved in for the kiss he had wanted to lean in. To accept the compassion and the tender touch he had lost long ago. He wanted it. He craved it even. But something inside his mind pulled him back. An invisible string tugging his body away from her. Away from the embrace he desired. Whatever caused it he knew was right. While it might have felt incredible for a moment, eventually another moment would come on its heels and he'd be stricken over with guilt. Because while he did feel abandoned by Pamela, left behind time and time again, he didn't want to feel guilty at the same time. Perhaps he hadn't been leading Erika on as much as he had been leading himself on. What else would driving out to that bench at night have led to? The longer he let his thoughts drift around the situation the less sense it made, and the fewer answers he had. What he did know was Erika didn't deserve any of this.
"I'm sorry," he let slip out of his mouth. It felt like an artificial weight hanging in the air. He regretted saying it instantly. Maybe regret wasn't the right word. Because he was most certainly sorry. But it didn't seem enough. It couldn't make up for how Erika must feel. And he wasn't even sure if he was sorry for pulling away, or sorry that he didn't push in for the kiss. He wished he could verbalize how he felt, but he knew it would just come out in a mumbled mess.
***
Erika shook her head, lost in her own thoughts. "It's fine," she responded. Her hands were tucked under her thighs. She wanted to toss open the door. To fling it open and run away.
Are you really this stupid?
She replayed the entire scene in her head. She replayed every one of their interactions over and over, trying to uncover a new detail, a new clue, a new suggestion, that she somehow missed. That perhaps she had avoided because she felt convinced Charles felt a similar way about her. Yet at the conclusion of every replay, it always added up to Charles accepting her kiss.
What did I miss?
But he didn't accept her kiss. In fact, he leaned away from it. And now? Erika didn't know how she'd be able to see him again. She felt flushed and embarrassed. Her mind continued to probe, sifting for answers. As she did so she felt her embarrassment shift into anger. He had led her on. Hadn't he? He took her to that place under the stars. He let her lay her head against him. He opened up to her.
You just saw what you wanted to see.
Erika couldn't tell which side of her brain was right. Her emotions were bouncing all over the place. And now she was stuck inside the tiny single cab front of a truck until they could get back to town. She wanted to scream out. To cry out. She needed to move. Pace. Punch a pillow. Throw a pillow. Yell into a pillow. She didn't know what she needed to do but she needed to do something and she couldn't do it inside the truck. She couldn't think straight. All she could do was bite down on her lip and keep herself from talking. Anything she said right now would only make things worse.
Can they really get any worse?
Maybe. Maybe not. But she knew if she opened the dam and started to talk she wouldn't stop until every word, every emotion, had been drained from her mind. And she didn't trust herself. So she sat, hands tucked under her legs, teeth biting into her lip, eyes blankly looking forward while her mind lingered elsewhere.
By the time the trucked pulled up along her home, Erika felt like an emotional balloon about to burst. Without saying a word she opened the door, stepped out, and closed the door. She thought about slamming it. As hard and as forceful as possible. She knew the expulsion of energy would feel good. But she didn't. She held it in. Instead, she walked up to her front door, never looking back. Her trembling hands struggled to find the keys buried in her purse. She felt not just Charles' eyes on her back, but the gaze of the entire universe looking down on her, weighing her shoulders down. Silent tears fogged her eyes as she finally unlocked the door and slipped inside. Surrounded in the darkness of her home the emotional dam finally broke and she cried, harder than she had in a very long time.
***
Charles watched Erika close her front door. He wanted to say something. To call out to her. But instead, he remained seated. An emptiness took hold of him as if every single organ had dissolved to nothing. His eyes drifted down to her seat. Something white caught his attention against the gray fabric. He reached over and picked it up. It was the thin cardboard the ice cream shop sticker came in. He flipped it open and the sticker fell into his lap. Charles studied the image, its glossy coating coming to life under the flickering orange flame of the gas street lamp. Burning like the situation he had put himself in.
He sat, hoping Erika would come back out but knowing she never would. His empty chest heaved inward as he wondered if he'd just lost the first real friend he'd made in ages. But was she just a friend? Did he want more? If he did, what did that mean for him and Pamela? Hadn't Pamela abandoned him for her one true love - her work? His thoughts ricocheted off endless questions.
In search of clarity, he adjusted the transmission and drove away. But he didn't drive home. He needed to think. At home, he often felt the walls closing in on him. He needed to get away from everything familiar. Maybe in the open expanse of the unknown, his mind could settle on answers. After a few turns, the truck was on the highway. He rolled down the window, letting the wind wisp across his face and the salty ocean air fill his nose. He drove across state lines and then he drove further. He drove until he didn't recognize the scenery and still he drove further. In ways, his body did the driving while his mind traveled through endless scenarios. Yet no matter how many ways he mapped out the future only one made sense to him. Eventually, as the black of night gave way to the lavender of a coming morning, he came upon an exit reading "Mount Pleasant". It sounded nice, so he took it. When the road ran out and the ocean took its place the sun had fully dipped its brush into oranges and pinks as it painted over the night sky.
Charles pulled into a small restaurant overlooking the water. Little more than a glorified shack, he went in and bought a coffee as he watched the sun fully reveal itself. When the waitress came and asked if he'd like something else he said no, then changed his mind and asked whom he could see about taking him out on the water.
…to be continued…