Why hello there!
I do hope you had a fantastic holiday season. If you’ve made any resolutions hopefully they are so far so good!
I wanted to let you in on a little project I’m working on.
Interacting with readers has always been a treat. Whenever someone lets me know how a particular story or sentence connected with them, it really makes everything that much more meaningful.
Writing and talking about different life events, even if they happened years, or decades, in the past can be therapeutic. And I want to give you the chance to do the same.
I’m going to start a podcast that is currently titled, “The One That Got Away.” Every episode will be me talking with someone about that one love that got away. Perhaps it’s a sad story. Or a funny one. Maybe you ended up with that one love or you’re still wondering about someone you had a great first date with but then something happened to derail it.
In short, I’d love to talk with you, if you’d like to share. And I believe through all of us sharing it will go a long way in helping one another even further. Because if you’ve gone through something, chances are others have as well.
So, if you’d be interested in doing an audio conversation with me, please, let me know! You can email me directly at greysonferguson@gmail.com if you’d like to. Or if you have questions.
But for now, I hope you have a fantastic week!
-your friend,
Greyson
Lost Love/New Memories
I know it’s him.
But it’s not.
It’s a copy. A reprint. The idea of a memory. And yet my memory struggles to form his image. His smile exists somewhere in my brain. A puzzle piece. There are other puzzle pieces. The rust-brown color of his beard. His laugh. His eyes. But none of the puzzle pieces fit.
They won’t let me form a complete image. A complete memory.
The photo of my dad is him. But it’s not.
A picture of an idea long since passed.
I’ve lost touch. And I don’t think I can get it back.
Connecting is Discovering is Connecting
Over time, people reveal themselves to us. They show us who they are. Most reveals are surface level. But for a select few, the further a person cracks their shell and exposes themselves, the deeper we love and care for them. It’s what makes new relationships so exciting. The quest to discover who the person is. And to share with them who you are in return.
It’s what makes true friendships so lasting. And no matter how old the relationship, how deep the friendship, there’s always something new to discover.
But what happens in death? When one side of the relationship has left us?
Do the ashes of loss fill in the discoveries we’ve made?
I have grandparents I can no longer picture. I have a father I struggle to hold onto.
Perhaps you have someone as well.
Where one day they were all you saw, regardless of if your eyes were open or closed.
But now, the river of time has dulled their image. It’s washed away the details. It’s eroded features you know are there, but can no longer clearly see.
Does death and time mean the loss of discovery and a faded connection?
Always Something New
The love for another doesn’t fade with their memory. I love my dad now the same amount as the day he died. That hasn’t changed.
If you have lost loved ones, your love remains just as intact.
But love alone can’t maintain your connection with them. It won’t prevent you from forgetting their touch or their warmth. There will be a time you’ll realize the person you said you’d never forget no longer appears when your mind calls on them.
I like to think it’s because their spirit is with us when we need them the most. And, as our needs subside, their spirit can step away.
Even if this were to be true, it doesn’t make losing the connection any easier.
Thankfully there are other ways to grow the connection. To learn about the departed love. And it can be done on your own.
Self Discovery Through Their Discovery
Throughout life, a person develops through surroundings and experiences. You are not around for all of this. Perhaps you were around for very little of their development.
My father continued to evolve long after he became a dad. His loves and passions were already set. By the time I realized to ask more about his life, he had already left.
It’s the downside of being a child. You often know less intimate details about parents until it’s your time to go through something similar. When you decide to marry. Have a child. Experience loss. It’s through these life-changing events you may learn more about your parents than ever before.
My dad died before my marriage. I couldn’t ask him about divorce. His death superseded that of my grandparents. I lost the opportunity to make these connections.
But that doesn’t mean there’s nothing new to learn.
There’s always something to help maintain that connection. For me, of late, it’s through music.
On Saturday afternoons, he often played the music of Sting. He’d pop a CD into the small three-piece stereo system he bought himself the week before Christmas (because my dad was the guy who always went out and bought himself stuff prior to the holidays. I think he did it as a joke to try and guess what we bought for him. We had to abandon surface-level gifts eventually) and just let it play.
I never much cared for the music. Not that I hated it. It created the atmosphere of Saturday afternoons. But outside of one or two songs, nothing stuck.
I’ve since started to listen to Sting. Most of the songs I don’t ever recall hearing with my dad. I have no memory of specific tracks in my childhood. But in that way, I’m allowed to experience the music for myself. To see another side of my father that I didn’t see while he lived.
A new discovery.
The Memories Have Changed
I struggle to see my dad. Even photographs feel off. The connection we had while he lived has shifted. It’s changed.
But so do all relationships. Other than love, nothing remains the same.
It’s with these small discoveries, sifting through music or reading certain books that I form new connections. I don’t see or hear the medium through his eyes and ears but through my own. But that’s okay. Because this way, I can experience it for myself and for him.
Your own relationships with those you’ve lost will change. But it doesn’t mean you have to say goodbye to them. It just means you need to find a different way to connect. Your love is as strong as it has always been. It’s just up to you to figure out how to nourish what continues to change.