Very well written and painted very vivid images of the scenery!
However, are a few spots that remind me that this was indeed written by a man and even the narrator himself doesn’t relate to the main character.
First, someone part of sorority wouldn’t address themselves as a“member”. Small, but enough to raise a question mark and take someone out of the story.
Also “sweat proof makeup” not necessarily a term women would use.
Lastly, the no pantries knowing that she was about to go on a long walk. Again one of those male fantasies that just doesn’t appeal to women. Mostly because hygiene.
Again very well written, however when writing from a woman’s point of view it wouldn’t hurt to get the perspective of a woman.
Hi, Emily. Thanks for your comment. Couple of things. This is written in both male/female perspective...just haven't gotten to the male side yet ( and because of that somethings need to be spelled out more i.e. the makeup thing). And with the panties quip I had to include references like that because this was specifically for a Harlequin line of books that wants the constant sexual fantasy references. So the entire story will be a bit over the top. Also, I've had other women read it. I think I've only had women read it (although non were in sororities). Its all about basic fantasies and doesn't necessarily need to be written by a male/female (heck, 50 shades of gray was written by a woman and the main character, a virgin in her 20s, has like 6 orgasms the first time she has sex....which we all know doesn't happen). Just gotta roll with it as a naughty fantasy...have fun with it, even if there are eye rolls at the same time.
Very well written and painted very vivid images of the scenery!
However, are a few spots that remind me that this was indeed written by a man and even the narrator himself doesn’t relate to the main character.
First, someone part of sorority wouldn’t address themselves as a“member”. Small, but enough to raise a question mark and take someone out of the story.
Also “sweat proof makeup” not necessarily a term women would use.
Lastly, the no pantries knowing that she was about to go on a long walk. Again one of those male fantasies that just doesn’t appeal to women. Mostly because hygiene.
Again very well written, however when writing from a woman’s point of view it wouldn’t hurt to get the perspective of a woman.
Hi, Emily. Thanks for your comment. Couple of things. This is written in both male/female perspective...just haven't gotten to the male side yet ( and because of that somethings need to be spelled out more i.e. the makeup thing). And with the panties quip I had to include references like that because this was specifically for a Harlequin line of books that wants the constant sexual fantasy references. So the entire story will be a bit over the top. Also, I've had other women read it. I think I've only had women read it (although non were in sororities). Its all about basic fantasies and doesn't necessarily need to be written by a male/female (heck, 50 shades of gray was written by a woman and the main character, a virgin in her 20s, has like 6 orgasms the first time she has sex....which we all know doesn't happen). Just gotta roll with it as a naughty fantasy...have fun with it, even if there are eye rolls at the same time.