I get this and thank you for saying it, Greyson. Moving interstate in one country alone, around 2,600 miles, was hard. I travelled easier, internationally, as a child. For a complex of reasons, I had to move back from my 2021 move to Tasmania. (dashed dream) It is, on the one hand, exhilarating, but also profoundly challenging - the beauty and the isolation - in ways you don't anticipate. Making friends, finding your people, is hard. The absence of a sense of community can be discombobulating and distressing. x
That’s what I’m saying! And she has 3 legs so she’s not exactly imposing. But it’s becoming such an issue here (I’ve asked around on forums for the country and many people have said they were harassed to the point of moving out of their apartments because they had dogs).
No offence Albania, but booooo. I know, it's a cultural thing. I respect that but also, gloom. I feel for you. She's an angel. There's a lovely moment in the video where the camera captures her eyes, or she captures the camera. Maybe Albania isn't the place? Australia's cool with dogs! Life, moving, post-long term relationship, trying to re-build yourself and a sense of community, and working out what's next, who do you want to be, and how do you want to live that = so hard. I certainly wouldn't be handling it myself without an amazing new job, stellar colleagues and my little four-legged friend/flatmate/talisman/fur child and moving back 'home'. And the questioning of belonging? To thyself? That's, of itself, challenging. Tough gig. Without colleagues, I think I'd be bonkers. I know it's not the same, but you are generating community here.
I'm glad we're able to creat a kind of community. That was always my intention. As for trying to fabricate one in real life with zero connections...boy is it tricky. Kind of feels like watching the old DVD icon on your TV. Just bouncing around. Oh how you want it to just fit into that corner! How great would that be!? But it just keeps bouncing. Trying to invent connections is just bouncing around, hoping to fit into the corner.
Oh, don't get me wrong. Not a community. Just sanity if I am in the office, which I haven't been for nearly a month because of a bung, injured knee. So I get it, no real community. There's a lot of silence and solitude. Sick of the sight of myself. Lots of reckoning and reevaluation. Thanks be for the woofs and meows.
Also, one of my delightful colleagues (work therapist!) has suggested finding online pen pals. I liked the idea of that, but on digging into it, it looks a bit tinderish/swipey. Ick. But this detracts. You currently don't have the benefit of an office (pros and cons). Bouncing around is merde. Agree. Sucks.
On corners....reverse the gender and think this (popular shit though it is) - Swayze - "No-one puts Baby in a corner".
A horizon (with dogs accepted and adored) and not a corner?
If I may share my observations: I recently spent some months working off a co-working place in Lisbon. (I'm a local) and there were many Digital Nomads there as well.
I observed two things: the novelty wear off effect where much like passion the exhilaration of the initial times dies down.
Also Portuguese are culturally a friendly people yes, but not one of making many friends.
And I'd see some wear, some tiredness in their eyes
Some would religiously come in every day. Others due to their cultural background were maybe closer to the local culture and were more adaptaed and many, would just come in less and less.
I really like a lot of what you write and if I may - not wanting to be out of line here - but there's a very nice Portuguese singer (and poet I guess) who stated "he would only feel ok/well wherever he wasn't". This runs deeper that it seems, because it aludes to this concept that much of our drive to wander and move is in reality inside us, and thus moves with us.
I am also tempted many times to move (hey even get a sailboat and sail away) but now knowing how much of it is encouraged by this interior unsettlement, always makes me hesitant
Securing a job generally isn’t an option unless you’re on a specific visa that allows that. Like I was saying, once you’re outside of the constructed social circles where you’re around similar people, it’s super difficult o connect (at least that’s what I’m finding).
It’s not just moving overseas. It’s also very difficult to make new friends when you move domestically by yourself as an adult.
This is very true. I miss the childhood days of making lifelong friends over favorite colors and Pop-Tart flavors.
Hi Greyson, I know this feeling well. It’s one of the ups and downs of living abroad, especially as you make friends with expats and then they move away. Here’s my experience making friends abroad, maybe a couple of things will help you too. https://open.substack.com/pub/caradole/p/how-to-make-friends?r=9vwa5&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false
I get this and thank you for saying it, Greyson. Moving interstate in one country alone, around 2,600 miles, was hard. I travelled easier, internationally, as a child. For a complex of reasons, I had to move back from my 2021 move to Tasmania. (dashed dream) It is, on the one hand, exhilarating, but also profoundly challenging - the beauty and the isolation - in ways you don't anticipate. Making friends, finding your people, is hard. The absence of a sense of community can be discombobulating and distressing. x
PS Who could be 'theatrically terrified of her'? Angel with a tail...
That’s what I’m saying! And she has 3 legs so she’s not exactly imposing. But it’s becoming such an issue here (I’ve asked around on forums for the country and many people have said they were harassed to the point of moving out of their apartments because they had dogs).
No offence Albania, but booooo. I know, it's a cultural thing. I respect that but also, gloom. I feel for you. She's an angel. There's a lovely moment in the video where the camera captures her eyes, or she captures the camera. Maybe Albania isn't the place? Australia's cool with dogs! Life, moving, post-long term relationship, trying to re-build yourself and a sense of community, and working out what's next, who do you want to be, and how do you want to live that = so hard. I certainly wouldn't be handling it myself without an amazing new job, stellar colleagues and my little four-legged friend/flatmate/talisman/fur child and moving back 'home'. And the questioning of belonging? To thyself? That's, of itself, challenging. Tough gig. Without colleagues, I think I'd be bonkers. I know it's not the same, but you are generating community here.
I'm glad we're able to creat a kind of community. That was always my intention. As for trying to fabricate one in real life with zero connections...boy is it tricky. Kind of feels like watching the old DVD icon on your TV. Just bouncing around. Oh how you want it to just fit into that corner! How great would that be!? But it just keeps bouncing. Trying to invent connections is just bouncing around, hoping to fit into the corner.
Oh, don't get me wrong. Not a community. Just sanity if I am in the office, which I haven't been for nearly a month because of a bung, injured knee. So I get it, no real community. There's a lot of silence and solitude. Sick of the sight of myself. Lots of reckoning and reevaluation. Thanks be for the woofs and meows.
Also, one of my delightful colleagues (work therapist!) has suggested finding online pen pals. I liked the idea of that, but on digging into it, it looks a bit tinderish/swipey. Ick. But this detracts. You currently don't have the benefit of an office (pros and cons). Bouncing around is merde. Agree. Sucks.
On corners....reverse the gender and think this (popular shit though it is) - Swayze - "No-one puts Baby in a corner".
A horizon (with dogs accepted and adored) and not a corner?
K
If I may share my observations: I recently spent some months working off a co-working place in Lisbon. (I'm a local) and there were many Digital Nomads there as well.
I observed two things: the novelty wear off effect where much like passion the exhilaration of the initial times dies down.
Also Portuguese are culturally a friendly people yes, but not one of making many friends.
And I'd see some wear, some tiredness in their eyes
Some would religiously come in every day. Others due to their cultural background were maybe closer to the local culture and were more adaptaed and many, would just come in less and less.
I really like a lot of what you write and if I may - not wanting to be out of line here - but there's a very nice Portuguese singer (and poet I guess) who stated "he would only feel ok/well wherever he wasn't". This runs deeper that it seems, because it aludes to this concept that much of our drive to wander and move is in reality inside us, and thus moves with us.
I am also tempted many times to move (hey even get a sailboat and sail away) but now knowing how much of it is encouraged by this interior unsettlement, always makes me hesitant
Securing a job generally isn’t an option unless you’re on a specific visa that allows that. Like I was saying, once you’re outside of the constructed social circles where you’re around similar people, it’s super difficult o connect (at least that’s what I’m finding).